my tribute to Mama

Mother's Day is a bittersweet time for me. The year I became a mother was the year I lost mine. This particular day is at once, both joyful and poignant. My going on 19 years old son was still in my womb when my mom left us because of sickness.

I miss her so much still. The feeling does not get any less and the memories of her have not faded away even with the passing of years. I wish she had lived long enough for my son to meet and get to know her. Because I know he would have enjoyed the person that she was as much as I had. But God knows the number of our days and hers was a good 78 years.

My mom left behind for her family, a legacy of love. Those were the four words someone had said to me at her funeral and it spoke a lot about who she was as a person. She loved and had been loved, not just by her family but by other people. It was not enough that she had children and grand children of her own, she had also accepted several others who had asked to be her foster children. What an amazing lady my mom was! They must have seen in her something that drew them close.

Her last born, I grew up surrounded by her care and concern (my late dad was also like that towards me). And that did not end with me starting life as a working adult and later, as a married woman and until the last weeks of her life when she knew I was carrying her youngest grandchild.

I was very close to my mother. It was easy to share with her my feelings. Her hugs were warm, with arms opened wide to embrace me with a kiss on my cheek when I got home from work. She would stand at the kitchen door, this tall, large smiling pretty lady with dimples, happy to see me, just as I her; and a hot bowl of whatever she was cooking that day already waiting on the table for me to consume. Oh, mom, I miss you so as I write this!

If I happened to sleep next to her and sometimes, yes on mattresses in the living room because of watching TV together (!); I would feel her warm hands caressing my face as I slept.

Her neigbours were her friends and she was generous with them. Our family home in a small town was surrounded by neigbours of a different race and culture and she was especially good buddy with one beetle nut chewing lady living on a small hill across our home. Mom was often teased by us for using her loud booming voice whenever she wanted to call her friend to join her for food or to take something home.

When Mom moved down to stay with us in the city, it was the same. Neigbours were friends. If I did not see her at home, I knew where to look, especially if I wanted to take her out during the weekend. She was out of the neighbour's house in a jiffy when I came looking for her. We just loved going out together, for dim sum breakfast or even just to the supermarket to window shop and simply just to get a bag of sweets to share together.

That was the kind of mother I had.

She was a really fun person to be with.  A person who did not want to admit to old age or perhaps she just did not feel old. A daring one who thought she could still jump across a drain without falling down and injuring herself. A forever young at heart lady who preferred to be with younger people rather than those her own age. An adventurous one who loved to travel and who at one time, had gone on her own to seek out food at night stalls in Hong Kong without letting the frantic tour guide know. I could go on and on recalling all that I knew of this wonderful lady I am grateful to God to have been able to call my mother, my dear mama. 

She had indeed left a legacy of love for me - to remember and to now show to my son. I love my son the way my mom had loved me. I hope my hugs are as warm and as comforting as hers were, and my caressing of his face and kisses on his forehead, tells of a mother's love. And I want him to know I will be there for him, always, as my mother was for me.

This is my tribute to my mom as I seek to become a good mother to my son.

The word of the Lord that came to me on the night just before Mom went home to Him was from Job chapter 1 verse 21.

"The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away, blessed be the name of the Lord"

a dual reality of life

Together with many around the world, we feel deep sorrow for those who were brutally killed in the recent days and months past; individuals of different countries caught in the middle of a horrifying war for political power.

They were people just like you and I. And like many of us, they had family and friends who had loved and cared for them, and who now must be experiencing unimaginable grief for their loss. To loose someone through sickness is not easy but to have a loved one's life taken in the manner of beheadings and being burnt alive must be intolerably painful and incredibly difficult to deal with. What does it feel like to imagine the horror of what their loved ones were going through when facing such a cruel end to their lives? It is sickening, it is sheer evil. That's how I feel and that's what it is.

Our world is not getting any better. Bad news is escalating and it's everywhere. Just today, in one day, we have heard of the death of the Jordanian pilot, the Taiwan plane crash, and the New York train crash, and that's not taking into account other news. I have wept much to see what is happening to our world nowadays. Just in one year only, 2014, we had several plane tragedies. And we hear of natural disasters, rapes, killings, wars, people driven from their homes, suffering children...endless, one after another, we get these reports, and almost immediately too, thanks or no thanks to the internet and television; we hear and see all these within the comfort of our homes.

I am sitting here in front of the TV watching the world news. We have just had dinner, my son is playing his guitar in his room; it's just an ordinary evening, like most evenings, for just an ordinary family. I was also thinking of my next day's responsibilities, my list of to-dos...but I was stopped in my thoughts by how surreal is this ordinariness of our life living in a relatively peaceful city and country as my mind was turning to the happenings outside of my ordinary world.

An ordinary world consisting of one where we just had a housewarming party at a friend's house a few nights ago, and one where we plan to have a family reunion and a classmates reunion during the Chinese New Year period, and one where I go to work daily and go about my normal routine. And I realized more than ever that most of us, if we will just stop and reflect, are actually living a life of dual reality.

That is, the reality of the ordinary, the mundane within our circle of family, friends, community; and also the horrible bigger reality of the world out there. We can't be like the proverbial ostrich deluding ourselves into thinking that those news, those images which our TV screen and internet are showing, are too far away to affect us, and that somehow it will all go away, it will get better...

A friend had said the world is on a slippery slope and I agree. We who are alive at this point in time are going to see things getting worse. Yes, I have wept and I still weep for the many lives lost and affected by terrible events. I weep out of empathy but not because of hopelessness. My tears and heartpain are in prayers to my God, the One who created the earth and its inhabitants. In spite of what's happening around us, I am absolutely convinced He is good and has a timetable for this world. Mankind's beginning, history, present and future are in His hands. Those who do not know Him would not understand this and might be offended by what I am stating, but His Word, the Bible is very clear. It tells us what was, what is and what is to come.

There is a word many Bible believing Christians are saying nowadays, "Maranatha!" which means "The Lord is coming" or "Come, O Lord". Surely, the Lord Jesus is coming back very soon, just as He had promised! That's the hope of all of us who have put our trust in Him. I pray that whoever reading this will seek God while He may be found, and be found in Him when He comes back again, very soon.

a mangrove swamp outing in Kota Belud, Borneo

Proboscis monkeys, fireflies, kingfisher, egrets, and cows.......a recent Saturday's half day outing to the mangrove swamp of Kota Belud was absolutely wonderful and memorable. It is a highly recommended trip for nature lovers.

Sabah in Borneo has so much to offer for those who enjoy the tropical outdoors. An ecologist had said "People want to enjoy themselves...and I can't think of a better place to spend the happier part of my year than on a holiday...with the bio-diversity of Sabah and Mount Kinabalu...This is a theme park!" (Prof. Dr David Bellamy).

Kota Belud, or KB for short, is a small town located an hour's drive from Kota Kinabalu city, the state capital of Sabah. And the mangrove swamp is less than half an hour away from KB; driving on a road parallel to the coastline facing the South China Sea.

We left Kota Kinabalu at around 1.30 pm, arriving KB town at about 2.30 pm. To go to the swamp, we did not have to go to this small town as there is a by-pass road, but because we wanted to buy a local sweet rice cake, the "kuih penjaram" from its market stalls to go with our afternoon tea which we had in one of the coffee shops. It is a specialty of the Bajau, one of the tribes living here. Besides the "penjaram", there were also many other varieties of local cakes selling at the market stalls - colourful types and different textured ones. Just too many to choose from or eat. It was sufficient as a feast for my eyes only. These and the nearby market scenes were familiar sights for me growing up.

I was born here and had lived almost fifteen years of my life in this small town surrounded by gently rolling hills; hence, the name "Kota Belud" meaning "town of hills". Going to school here until the 9th grade, my classmates were of different ethnic groups - the Bajau, Iranun and Dusun tribes as well as Chinese and children from mixed marriages and a few Indians whose parents were posted to work here. Most of us were multi-lingual and it was common to use the local version of Malay to converse with one another; even among the Chinese folks, and even up to this day.

The mangrove swamp at Rampayan Laut, where we were headed to is a seaside village of the Iranun. After our afternoon tea at KB town, we moved off at 3.30 pm for the place; passing greenery, village houses, cows and buffaloes on the fields and along the roadside. 


We reached Rampayan Laut, a picturesque riverside village at about 4 pm. A lone cockerel was oblivious to the noise of our vehicles driving in and parking besides a road that was made muddy by an earlier rainfall. A wooden and quaint signboard on a gate welcomed us to what they called "Firefly Paradise". I met a few of the friendly village folks here of the Iranun tribe. You could tell they were fishermen by the boats and nets but they were not out at sea. It was a laze around Saturday afternoon. The folks at the KB market stalls from whom we had bought the penjaram for afternoon tea, were Bajaus.

As soon as we arrived, we were served hot drinks and local cakes in a large hut built on the swamp. Ah, we had forgotten afternoon tea was on this tour's schedule! After having had one in town with the “penjaram”, I did not fancy having more than a bite. Well, the tour operators had to make sure we were fed first before we got on the boat to cruise around to see the wild life living around the mangrove swamp. The jetty was just next to where they had served us the refreshment. There were several boats berthing there and two were assigned for us. Our group was made up of all ages - from graying grandparents to little ones as young as four years old; and all eager for this mini-adventure.

We found our seats on the two boats, put on the orange life jackets and off we went while the sun was still up. It was an hour or so before sunset and the weather was perfect. An earlier rainfall while we were on our way from Kota Kinabalu had stopped by the time we reached KB and now the sun was shining brightly behind clouds. At one time, we even saw a rainbow. The jetty and houses grew smaller as our motor boats speeded off. Very soon, we slowed down where the proboscis monkeys lived among the trees along the banks of the river. The boatmen cum tour guide lowered down the sound of the engines and maneuvered the boats slowly and nearer towards the trees for a clearer sighting of the monkeys. We were not disappointed. There were several of them around but as soon as they were aware of our presence, they jumped away from branch to branch. There was excitement in our voices calling “there!” whenever we saw one and then “oh…!” when it quickly disappeared from sight.

Here is a video giving a glimpse of that "encounter"with this species of monkeys unique to Borneo island

photo credit : Tim Laman
"Distinguished by its prominent nose, the endangered 
proboscis monkey lives only on the island of Borneo...." 
(National Geographic) 

This very clear picture here of a proboscis monkey and quote is borrowed from National Geographic which is information for anyone interested to know what was it we had come to see here at the swamp. Watching the tame ones at the local zoo is definitely nothing compared to our encounter with the wild ones in this mangrove swamp!

This trip really did deliver what it had promised. The boats brought us to another part of the swamp to see what the guide had said were "black" monkeys; perhaps the gibbon; but I was not too sure whether I had heard correctly a friend's response. We did see them though (see pic of one with its back towards us) and the trees they lived on seemed different from those the proboscis sat on. The roots of these trees were half in and half out of the water (see pic). Besides observing these two species of monkeys in their natural habitat; we also had the privilege of seeing a colourful kingfisher and the white egret, both large birds finding their source of food in these waters. I had asked the boatman if there were any crocodiles here and he assured me there had been no reports of it. Besides, the villagers swam here and considered it a safe place.

Watching these wild creatures in this natural and untouched environment while cruising on the waters was a fun and very relaxing way to spend my Saturday. The cool evening breeze was refreshing and the whole stretch of both sides of the riverbank was green; full of the mangrove trees. There was no sign of any trees being chopped down and that was very good. The place looked well conserved and I hope it stayed that way. It is indeed a very beautiful place.

There was a part of the river which ran very straight ahead towards a view of Mt Kinabalu (you can check out where I have shared about climbing this mountain here) but unfortunately, because of the earlier rain, the mountain was covered by clouds. A video of that ride on this part of the swamp is below.

Our cruise ended before the sun started to go down, so that we could move to the second part of this tour; a sunset dinner by the beach.......how nice ! The boats returned to the jetty for us to get off and into our vehicles for a short drive to Rampayan beach.

We arrived in time to enjoy one of the most spectacular sunsets that Borneo has to offer - absolutely stunning! The beautiful colours of the setting sun was captured by a mushroom-shaped cloud spreading out against it.

There was still time before dinner to stroll on this beach; a beach made different by a herd of cows sharing it with us....! They had come from the nearby village and must have habitually gathered here at dusk. They were tame and did not move away even when I came near; just stared at me and were seemingly undisturbed.


Dinner was soon served in a large hut specially built here. The dinner was simple but the setting unforgettable. Soon, we would be driving back to the mangrove swamp for the final phase of this tour - an encounter with fireflies in the dark!

Back at the river, we got into the boats once more. After seven at night, it was already dark and we were asking the boat man how he could see where he was going. We could not see anything but apparently he knew where he was taking us.....we just had to trust him. Gradually our eyes adjusted to the darkness and by then, we could see that it was a starry lit night sky.

And then, we saw them......... The boatman had an orange light thingy with him which he flickered on and off......and there they were...little lights flickering in response, among the trees along the banks. Fireflies....lots and lots of them! They came flying towards our boats, enticed by the orange light. Wow, what an experience with fireflies that I never had before! For the little children with us, it was a memorable one imprinted into their young minds and there were squeals of delight among us adults trying to catch them. It was amusing that we became childlike in our fascination with these glowing insects which, I had commented to my friend, were "competing" with the stars above us........ Well, that  dazzling encounter was definitely a perfect ending to a wonderful day !

this is a video of our encounter with the fireflies in the dark (watch the glow)

bowling and family day

My special education centre had a bowling competition cum family day today. Only half of our families came; together with our students and staff, but still the bowling alley was jam packed...with us occupying two thirds of it. A thought crossed my mind as to how we could have gotten everyone into this place if all our 120 families had turned up. It would have been nice to have full attendance for every family day events (which of course is almost a near impossibility) but in this particular location, half was just right..

We spent the whole morning there; some of us arriving as early as 7.30 am, even though we all knew the event will officially start only at 9.00 am. There was excitement in the air as everyone was just raring to go! As soon as the Family Support Group Chairman gave his short welcoming speech, we all turned to face the lanes. The students played first; versus one another. Very soon, we were hearing the sounds of balls hitting the floor and rolling towards their targets; parents cheering their kids on and every little achievement becoming a big deal (as it should be).....and all eyes were on the students. It was the most exciting part of the morning. For our students, the competition was done in the spirit of Special Olympics whose motto, "Let me win, but if I cannot win, let me be brave in the attempt" placed great value on the athletic effort of every single one of them.

at the end of the day,
everyone's a winner!

It was very interesting to watch the range of bowling styles of the students....everybody tried and that was the most important thing we wanted to see. For us it did not matter that only a few students had all the correct moves of a bowler and could make strikes; or some need lots of help to just push the ball forward. And even some who could bowl only one particular way and still others who did their best, and yet the ball kept rolling into the drain till the bowling alley staff had to get in to retrieve the balls stuck there. It really did not matter for they all had tried their best.....

When they had finished, it was the adults' turn. I don't remember the last time I went bowling but this was a nice chance to play again. Together with my teachers, we had a friendly competition against the parents. The parents won, we lost! 

It was a fun-filled morning and there were some endearing moments too. One particular scene happening right before my eyes was particularly touching. I did not know whether anyone else had noticed it but because I was standing just behind them, I could see and was observing everything and I couldn't help but smiled to myself - a child with Down syndrome was "coaching" and encouraging his mom when it was her turn to play. This happened at least two times and the exchange between them revealed to me these; the self-confidence of this child and the strength of the parent-child bond.

Being in this field of special education for many years now, I think I am able to say that those two qualities are part of what could help a person, in spite of his/her specialized learning needs, to achieve his/her potential towards being an included and contributing member of society.

interesting....the different bowling styles of our students

                                                       

of youth, nostalgia and parenting

An odd feeling came over me last night as I waited to pick up my going-on-18 year old son from his college prom at a hotel ballroom. From my driver's seat, I was able to observe the activities at the front entrance; lanky lads in smart suits and pretty blossoming young ladies in their soft flowing gowns; standing, walking, and waiting for their rides home.

It was nearing midnight and my son was still helping out with the organizing committee's wrap-up duties. I settled comfortably in my seat and continued to wait. As there was no nowhere else to focus my eyes on, I naturally looked towards where there were movements and lights. Besides, the surroundings was darker than the ballroom entrance. 

I had to take notice. These college youngsters were either in pairs or on their own. Some struck me as displaying confidence while several seem to be partly stuck in the awkwardness of early teens. Whatever outward impressions I was perceiving, perhaps most of them were similarly struggling in a phase of self-discovery, of finding their identities as individuals. 

As these thoughts were going through my mind, a sudden flash back to many years ago when my friends and I were once like them. Almost the same age, definitely different styles and different eras; but seemingly no different in the uncertainties of youth. Yet perhaps, I might be wrong in this assumption. If my son's mature-beyond-his-years thinking is an indication (sometimes, he surprises me with his evaluation of things), they do not seem to be as naive as we or at least I was, at their age! 

Thinking of the then-and-now differences; my school's sixth form prom was held in our dreary school hall (which later also transformed temporarily into an examinations hall) and our attire, in comparison to what I was seeing from my car seat, was nothing to boast about. I can still remember what I wore that night, so long ago. A pastel green floral patterned mid-length dress made of light cotton material which was a gift from my eldest brother and which I had matched with beige sandals. No make up, no high heels, no fancy clothes, no posh hotel, and certainly, no pairing up.

These reflections were triggered by this waiting for my son, and these observations from my car seat.  It was also because I knew that my former sixth form physics teacher is now a lecturer at my son's college. When I was a student, he was then a fresh university graduate and had seemed awkward and shy himself. Now an elderly man (I saw his unrecognizable picture from the college brochure), he is still, yes you guess it, teaching physics! As my son does not take science course in college, I had told one of his friends who does, that his lecturer was once my teacher. It must be unbelievable for this young man that this same person was teaching the same subject to me at one time and now, to him! And I figure it was hard for him to imagine his friend's mother (me) was once a schoolgirl too!

Anyway, back to my former teacher. I was wondering how he felt being an educationist for so many years, seeing many young people year in and year out. All his former students through the years are now in many kinds of careers but he has remained an educationist....from school teacher to college lecturer. Perhaps he was feeling age has crept in slowly with the passing years and weariness of doing almost the same work for so long? But I would like to think that there is a sense of achievement with the ones he had taught who have gone on to being successful in their chosen careers. In the eyes of the world, careers that are deemed "better" than an educationist. Ah, but that's in the eyes of the world only. 

An educationist is like a parent who considers it a joy when their children do more and beyond what they are able to do themselves. It is the satisfying joy of completing a God-given task. I believe good teachers and good parents want that for the ones entrusted to them for a season; for a limited number of years. Once a student or a child is out there and making an impact in his or her world through whatever work they are doing, the ones who were responsible for them for a time, can say, "I have done well because my student/child has done well."

As I penned these thoughts down in my phone, I saw my son walking towards my car. I knew he will have much to talk to me on the drive home, and I was right.  He is growing up into a fine young man whom I am proud of and very grateful to God for. He is maturing and I have decided I must mature along with him as well. What that means is changing in the way I relate with him through the stages of growth. You know, for many parents, that is not an easy thing to do because by the time we have teenage kids we are already rather set in our own ways. I, for one often fail miserably in this, but if I want to maintain and strengthen the parent and child bond for life, then I do not have an option...............

Oh, by the way, that odd feeling that I had while sitting about forty minutes in the car? It must be waves of nostalgia!