Tuesday 2 June 2015

in quietness and in trust

Recently, I came across an article on "God's Great Questions" which drew out remembrance of the toughest and lowest point of my life.

Perhaps a lot of us tend to ask "why" questions of our Creator when we go through deep and dark valleys, don't we? Be it loss of a job, loss of a loved one, unjust treatment, accusations, or just about any of the whole of life's difficulties. Our whys could stem from either confusion or despair or anger at whatever undesirables we are facing and...we want answers. From our viewpoint, we can't see beyond the spot we are in; visibility is almost near zero. It's like driving on a foggy mountain road with no end in sight.
Somehow, there is something in the helplessness of the human soul that requires answers to or reasons for our painful situations. Perhaps also, we think it is our right to know and God owes us the explanation. But, does He? Does He owe us an explanation or in fact, does He owe us anything at all?

We all have desires although varying, and we all are vulnerable to heartaches. We dream, we plan, we work hard, at what we hope to see. Perhaps... a successful career? a happy family? having good friends? Oh, it could be anything! But then things don't turn out as we had hoped...and we are devastated, perplexed, hurt...

What's our response when we encounter these hard knocks? Someone had said that a person comes out through them either a bitter or a better person. The choice is ours, really. We can't avoid the often bumpy road of life we all travel on, but we can choose whether we want to go down or rise up when we hit the potholes, especially the deep jagged ones.

Some years ago, I went through as I was saying, the lowest point of my life, not before and since have I endured such a dark and deep valley. I know mine is little in comparison to the nightmarish experiences of some others, like that of a lady I read about who was born out of incestuous rape and then she herself enduring a cycle of sexual abuse for years. I can't even begin to imagine a life like that! But I am not comparing; either mine with hers or hers with anyone else, for to each of us, whatever we go through, it is a "nightmare" to the one going through it.

Yes, many of us ask questions of the Almighty when life throws us sharp arrows of disappointments, losses, betrayals... Why? Why? Why, God? Why me? Why now? Why this? But have we ever considered that God asks us questions too? And you know what, He has the absolute right to do so. And He has lots to ask! Yet it's not because He doesn't know the answers...

Long before I walked through my valley, I was teaching from the book of Job to the Bible study group I was attending. It was a study which had been to me, at that time one that we "learnt about". It was head knowledge, not personally experienced by anyone (as far as I know) who were in the group.

We learnt what Job, this God fearing wealthy man of old, went through; losses and sufferings that you and I can only begin to imagine! Everything that he had was gone, including the death of all his children, his property and his own health. Indeed, he was sorely afflicted. But at the end of it he came out triumphant (Job 42:10,12,17). Job knew his God and even through his grief and lamenting, he had declared these great truths - that whatever he had, came from the Almighty (Job 1:21), his realization of the need for a mediator between sinful man and a holy God (Job 9:33) and his confidence that this mediator is his Redeemer who will come to the earth (Job 19:25).
an image of suffering Job
picture credit  @distantshores.org
Some time later after that Bible study, I faced being in a place where the darkness had seemed to be closing in on me...and I remember how I was not asking any why questions but just holding on to my knowledge and past experiences of who God is, of His goodness and faithfulness in spite of what I was going through. If you were to ask me, was it easy? I will say no, it was very difficult but it drew me closer to my God.

One night when I had felt desperately down, I purposely turned the pages of the Bible to Job chapters 38-42 and began to read. Strangely, as I read every single one of God's questions to Job, it comforted me although it was just question upon question, not answers! His questions to Job (and I took as to me too) were a lot of "Can you...?" Can you do this, can you do that, and also who has done this, who has done that...? as God described His awesome creation - the size of the earth, the vastness and depth of the seas, the rain and snow, the constellations in the universe, the lightning, the land animals, the birds of the air...and the list goes on.

I felt strangely comforted by these questions because I was encountering the "bigness" of my God. My eyes saw how great God is, and because of that I knew He had a hold on my problems, was able to and would see me through. At the end of it, like Job, I was confessing the same thing

"My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you" (Job 42:5). 

That night I had written this simple short prayer in my diary and since then it is a reminder to me of the comforting touch of God in the form of His questions in the midst of what was a trying time.

"Lord, I know you are God. You are awesome. You are so big and I am just a dot. Yet You are my Father and You love me. I can't understand and know all things but I know You love me." 

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