Monday 16 June 2014

of youth, nostalgia and parenting

An odd feeling came over me last night as I waited to pick up my going-on-18 year old son from his college prom at a hotel ballroom. From my driver's seat, I was able to observe the activities at the front entrance; lanky lads in smart suits and pretty blossoming young ladies in their soft flowing gowns; standing, walking, and waiting for their rides home.

It was nearing midnight and my son was still helping out with the organizing committee's wrap-up duties. I settled comfortably in my seat and continued to wait. As there was no nowhere else to focus my eyes on, I naturally looked towards where there were movements and lights. Besides, the surroundings was darker than the ballroom entrance. 

I had to take notice. These college youngsters were either in pairs or on their own. Some struck me as displaying confidence while several seem to be partly stuck in the awkwardness of early teens. Whatever outward impressions I was perceiving, perhaps most of them were similarly struggling in a phase of self-discovery, of finding their identities as individuals. 


As these thoughts were going through my mind, a sudden flash back to many years ago when my friends and I were once like them. Almost the same age, definitely different styles and different eras; but seemingly no different in the uncertainties of youth. Yet perhaps, I might be wrong in this assumption. If my son's mature-beyond-his-years thinking is an indication (sometimes, he surprises me with his evaluation of things), they do not seem to be as naive as we or at least I was, at their age! 


Thinking of the then-and-now differences; my school's sixth form prom was held in our dreary school hall (which later also transformed temporarily into an examinations hall) and our attire, in comparison to what I was seeing from my car seat, was nothing to boast about. I can still remember what I wore that night, so long ago. A pastel green floral patterned mid-length dress made of light cotton material which was a gift from my eldest brother and which I had matched with beige sandals. No make up, no high heels, no fancy clothes, no posh hotel, and certainly, no pairing up.

These reflections were triggered by this waiting for my son, and these observations from my car seat.  It was also because I knew that my former sixth form physics teacher is now a lecturer at my son's college. When I was a student, he was then a fresh university graduate and had seemed awkward and shy himself. Now an elderly man (I saw his unrecognizable picture from the college brochure), he is still, yes you guess it, teaching physics! As my son does not take science course in college, I had told one of his friends who does, that his lecturer was once my teacher. It must be unbelievable for this young man that this same person was teaching the same subject to me at one time and now, to him! And I figure it was hard for him to imagine his friend's mother (me) was once a schoolgirl too!

Anyway, back to my former teacher. I was wondering how he felt being an educationist for so many years, seeing many young people year in and year out. All his former students through the years are now in many kinds of careers but he has remained an educationist....from school teacher to college lecturer. Perhaps he was feeling age has crept in slowly with the passing years and weariness of doing almost the same work for so long? But I would like to think that there is a sense of achievement with the ones he had taught who have gone on to being successful in their chosen careers. In the eyes of the world, careers that are deemed "better" than an educationist. Ah, but that's in the eyes of the world only. 

An educationist is like a parent who considers it a joy when their children do more and beyond what they are able to do themselves. It is the satisfying joy of completing a God-given task. I believe good teachers and good parents want that for the ones entrusted to them for a season; for a limited number of years. Once a student or a child is out there and making an impact in his or her world through whatever work they are doing, the ones who were responsible for them for a time, can say, "I have done well because my student/child has done well."

As I penned these thoughts down in my phone, I saw my son walking towards my car. I knew he will have much to talk to me on the drive home, and I was right.  He is growing up into a fine young man whom I am proud of and very grateful to God for. He is maturing and I have decided I must mature along with him as well. What that means is changing in the way I relate with him through the stages of growth. You know, for many parents, that is not an easy thing to do because by the time we have teenage kids we are already rather set in our own ways. I, for one often fail miserably in this, but if I want to maintain and strengthen the parent and child bond for life, then I do not have an option...............

Oh, by the way, that odd feeling that I had while sitting about forty minutes in the car? It must be waves of nostalgia!



1 comment:

  1. I met this same physics lecturer cum form teacher of my sixth form years at our classmates first ever reunion last night 7/8/2015. After so many years, it was wonderful to reconnect, in spite of not recognising some of them! Been too long!! Our teacher got to hear each one of us telling what we have been doing all this time and his response was "your lives are more interesting.." which translates to, I hope, feeling proud of us and the part he had played in our lives? We were his first batch of students.. he was then around 26 years old when we were teens; come to think of it, not such a big gap in our ages. He also said this was his first reunion... we being his first students must have left an impression (people normally remember first and last, in between is a blur usually) I suppose, so we are indeed privileged that he came to our reunion, thank you Mr Chok, sir.

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